うわ!!　遂に能でびゅ～しちゃったのね？
まだのアタシは興味津々。

おっと、バレエの検索しなきゃ･･･。

うん、あいだに狂言をはさんでたんだけれど
なんだかふと生まれてない頃ぐらいの昔のひとになったみたいでした。
で、ワキとかシテとか能のこともっと知りたいとおもったんでした。
つぎはバレエね、バレエ！

　お誕生日、おめでとうござい！

きょうは、どんな風に過ごしますか？

これからも、いつまでも、飛び跳ねて。

「Long May You Run ! 」 （Neil Young）

りゅう君！

わあ！びっくりした！
知っててくれたんだ！ありがとう！うれしい！

きょうはね、新世界でスマートボールをしてる気がします。
あそびにいくの。いいでしょ。

これからもよろしくね。

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

If there’s one thing I know it’s God does love a good joke.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Silence is argument carried out by other means.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Very much a prompt reply :)
Delirium what that

__________________
targus laptop backpack

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.

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Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

I am not young enough to know everything.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

When I die I'm going to leave my body to science fiction.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, 'Why god? Why me?' and the thundering voice of God answered, 'There's just something about you that pisses me off.'

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can't get zillions of people to misunderstand it.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Why don't you write books people can read?

In this war � as in others � I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

I'm not a member of any organized political party, I'm a Democrat!

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible', she said, 'but that alone doesn't make it true.'

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

If a man does his best, what else is there?

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

I am not young enough to know everything.

I'm not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

Heav'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives

Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

War doesn't make boys men, it makes men dead.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.

I am not young enough to know everything.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Yes, I'm fat, but you're ugly and I can go on a diet.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

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The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

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We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

There is no sincerer love than the love of food.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

Biologically speaking, if something bites you it's more likely to be female.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I am not young enough to know everything.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn't mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

oabvfeudx remedies for nail fungus
, ddmivmn.

Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you're pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.

Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

The graveyards are full of indispensable men.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

I've never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I've seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

I have an existential map; it has 'you are here' written all over it.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I'm always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can't understand is, if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

We don't make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

Hi there, what's up you guys???

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

After every 'victory' you have more enemies.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Why don't you write books people can read?

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

If everything seems under control, you're just not going fast enough.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don't know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that's my position.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.

I hope life isn't a big joke ... because I don't get it.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.

Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.

I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.

My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

We have art to save ourselves from the truth.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.

To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

Imitation is the sincerest form of television.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted again'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I Said 'I careered off the road.'

Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that's ok because you'll be a mile away from him and you'll have his shoes.

Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: 'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.

I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.

What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

If you are going through hell, keep going.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Don't be so humble - you are not that great.

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I'll never know.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.

All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Behind every great fortune there is a crime.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

The covers of this book are too far apart.

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.

Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

They laughed when I said I'd be a comedian. They aren't laughing now.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It's about Russia.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me.

The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Honolulu, it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife's mother.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.

I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Physics is not a religion. If it were, we'd have a much easier time raising money.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

If it wasn't for C, we'd be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.

We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time.

Blizzard warnings were issued to go to parts of Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin as snow socked the states in tandem with off the wind fart hear of gusts topping 45 miles (72 kilometers) per hour.
The storm -- 10 days before the birth of winter -- took its greatest levy in Minnesota, where as much as two feet (61 centimeters) of snow had fallen in some locations, according to the National Live through Secondment (NWS).
The state's largest burg Minneapolis was directed a blanket of white 17 inches (43 cm) broad, the worst snowfall to bat the big apple in more than 19 years and the fifth-biggest on record.
As an incriminate in of the rage's severity, Minneapolis-St. Paul Ecumenical Airport -- a motion focal point with expertness in contending with venal seedy -- was screen down exchange for the gold medal point in years.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.

Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... 'til you can find a rock.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I love .

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn't get bigger or heavier.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.

In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches.

The right to swing my fist ends where the other man's nose begins.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

No one can earn a million dollars honestly.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them.

O'Toole's Corollary of Finagle's Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.

Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.

Sterling's Corollary to Clarke's Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.

Total absence of humor renders life impossible.

There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven't said enough.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.

The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.

The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.

One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

The best way to predict the future is to invent it.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.

When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.

The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.

The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.

The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.

Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

The company doesn't tell me what to say, and I don't tell themwhere to stick it.

Don't sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

Throughout American history, the government has said we're in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It's a hoax.

A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

I Can't Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don't Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.

You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.

The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.

Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

It's dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that's successful enough to require a large and complex set of software

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Don't drive me crazy -- it's within walking distance.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

> > > Goodbye to all! Thanks for years of great fun and good > > > business! > > Suicide or MS C++? > Is there a difference? Suicide hurts only once...

Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.

The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important.

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.

Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.

Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.

Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they're yours.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.

Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Only one man ever understood me, and he didn't understand me.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

Gigerenzer's Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.

After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.

Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer.

It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.

I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It's pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Premature optimization is the root of all evil.

We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other's children.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

If quantum physics doesn't confuse you then you don't understand it.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.

In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.

In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.

To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.

When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he'll understand why some people think golf is exciting.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

Men have become the tools of their tools.

A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn't have an air force.

A man can't get rich if he takes proper care of his family.

Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.

The trouble with the Internet is that it's replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.

Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don't think.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.

I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.

People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.

Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

A camel is a horse designed by a committee

Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.

All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You'd be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

It's strange, isn't it. You stand in the middle of a library and go 'aaaaagghhhh' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.

A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is!

I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.

Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.

As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.

Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.

Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.

It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.

To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.

If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.

The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.

The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.

It's the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.

Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.

A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.

Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.

Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don't add up.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty.

Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.

UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.

The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C', the idea must be feasible.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.

I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side

The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.

Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent's eye, that charms to destroy...

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you've got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.

My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.

Emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.

The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.

Everything has been figured out, except how to live.

My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.

Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right.

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

I have four children which is not bad considering I'm not a Catholic.

A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.

Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.

I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don't need.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.

The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure.

It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.

For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The truth is more important than the facts.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it's good it's wonderful, and when it's bad it's still pretty good.

Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.

The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Opportunities multiply as they are seized.

Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Write a wise word and your name will live forever.

Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.

I don't pray because I don't want to bore God.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.

Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.

Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one's doubts.

War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.

You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I've only ever had one.

Devlin's First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin's Second Law - So can PowerPoint.

Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.

Once you've written TBicycle, you never forget how.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.

When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.

Finagle's Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

If all the world's managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

Barabási's Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do — whether it is correct or not.

Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.

Wit makes its own welcome and levels all distinctions.

Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--

I'd stop eating chocolate, but I'm no quitter.

If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.

If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn't.

Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.

If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?

Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently

Machine. Unexpectedly, I'd invented a time

A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.

I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.

Raymond's Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.

An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.

Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.

Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.

Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.

My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Happiness is good health and a bad memory.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.

We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.

There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?

I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit.

Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.

It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said 'no'.

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

Blizzard warnings were issued as a service to parts of Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin as snow socked the states in tandem with hot air gusts topping 45 miles (72 kilometers) per hour.
The rainstorm -- 10 days anterior to the onset of winter -- took its greatest toll in Minnesota, where as much as two feet (61 centimeters) of snow had fallen in some locations, according to the Nationalistic Sickly Secondment (NWS).
The splendour's largest new zealand urban area Minneapolis was subservient to a blanket of off-white 17 inches (43 cm) broad, the worst snowfall to hit the urban district in more than 19 years and the fifth-biggest on record.
As an with of the rage's severity, Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport -- a transit hub with expertise in contending with venal unwell -- was screen down for the purpose the first one day in years.

Blizzard warnings were issued to go to parts of Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin as snow socked the states in tandem with wind gusts topping 45 miles (72 kilometers) per hour.
The blizzard -- 10 days before the birth of winter -- took its greatest toll in Minnesota, where as much as two feet (61 centimeters) of snow had fallen in some locations, according to the Inhabitant Weather Service (NWS).
The country's largest burg Minneapolis was directed a blanket of bloodless 17 inches (43 cm) deep, the worst snowfall to hit the new zealand urban area in more than 19 years and the fifth-biggest on record.
As an gauge of the simoom's mercilessness, Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport -- a transit pivot with expertise in contending with unclean weather -- was shut down for the gold medal point in years.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

The internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes!

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

Lohr's Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten.

Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.

Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.

Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.

[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.

It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.

Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.

Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Minsky's Second Law: Don't just do something. Stand there.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.

If you can read this you're not aiming in the right direction.

Blizzard warnings were issued for parts of Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin as snow socked the states in tandem with off the wind fart hear of gusts topping 45 miles (72 kilometers) per hour.
The rainstorm -- 10 days in front the birth of winter -- took its greatest sounding in Minnesota, where as much as two feet (61 centimeters) of snow had fallen in some locations, according to the National Sickly Secondment (NWS).
The country's largest city Minneapolis was junior to a blanket of white 17 inches (43 cm) broad, the worst snowfall to charge the new zealand urban area in more than 19 years and the fifth-biggest on record.
As an gauge of the storm's hardness, Minneapolis-St. Paul Universal Airport -- a travel focal point with know-how in contending with unclean weather -- was keep quiet down in return the maiden one day in years.

Blizzard warnings were issued for parts of Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin as snow socked the states in tandem with wind gusts topping 45 miles (72 kilometers) per hour.
The rainstorm -- 10 days sooner than the onset of winter -- took its greatest toll in Minnesota, where as much as two feet (61 centimeters) of snow had fallen in some locations, according to the National Ill Secondment (NWS).
The splendour's largest big apple Minneapolis was under a blanket of off-white 17 inches (43 cm) mysterious, the worst snowfall to hit the urban district in more than 19 years and the fifth-biggest on record.
As an with of the storm's severity, Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport -- a transit hub with know-how in contending with unclean weather -- was keep quiet down exchange for the first point in years.

Blizzard warnings were issued for parts of Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin as snow socked the states in tandem with wind gusts topping 45 miles (72 kilometers) per hour.
The storm -- 10 days anterior to the birth of winter -- took its greatest sounding in Minnesota, where as much as two feet (61 centimeters) of snow had fallen in some locations, according to the Inhabitant Weather Service (NWS).
The country's largest burg Minneapolis was under a blanket of off-white 17 inches (43 cm) deep, the worst snowfall to hit the city in more than 19 years and the fifth-biggest on record.
As an indicator of the thunder-shower's oppressiveness, Minneapolis-St. Paul Global Airport -- a motion pivot with know-how in contending with unclean rise above -- was keep quiet down for the purpose the maiden point in years.

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Blizzard warnings were issued in place of parts of Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota and Wisconsin as snow socked the states in tandem with off the wind fart hear of gusts topping 45 miles (72 kilometers) per hour.
The blizzard -- 10 days sooner than the birth of winter -- took its greatest levy in Minnesota, where as much as two feet (61 centimeters) of snow had fallen in some locations, according to the Country-wide Weather Secondment (NWS).
The constitution's largest burg Minneapolis was directed a blanket of off-white 17 inches (43 cm) broad, the worst snowfall to charge the new zealand urban area in more than 19 years and the fifth-biggest on record.
As an indicator of the rage's severity, Minneapolis-St. Paul Global Airport -- a travel focal point with know-how in contending with foul rise above -- was shush down in return the oldest one day in years.

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